Wanderings – Re-imagining and updating the Christmas Classics
As regular readers may recall, I am a fan of Christmas stories. Some of my favourites are the perennial classics like Dickens’ A Christmas Carol or O. Henry’s The Gift of the Magi. Both stories are well known, and each reinforces a different theme of the season.
In Dickens’ classic, the theme is redemption and change. How a miserly old man, whose arms are shorter than his pockets, opens his eyes to the misfortunes of others – and changes. In the O. Henry classic, the theme is sacrifice. Della gave up her long, flowing hair to buy a chain for Jim’s pocket watch; one which he sold to pay for hair combs for Della’s hair. Each gave up their most prized possession to make the other happy.
These stories, and many other Christmas stories, are part of the lore that has helped shape the secular side of what was originally a holiday of religious significance. That said, many younger people cannot relate to hair combs, pocket watches, throwing coal on the fire, or a saucepan of gruel. I don’t really know what gruel is. Yes, I could Google it, but what fun is that?
As nothing is really original anymore, and all movies and music made now are just remakes of past successes, perhaps it is time to remake a few Christmas classics with a lot of updating.
A modern telling of A Christmas Carol would be easy, if not a bit on the nose, to tell the story of a tech billionaire who wanted his workers to work 80 hours and be unpaid for working during the holidays.
That billionaire would post on a social media platform that he owns crazy ideas, and on Christmas Eve could be visited by three computer viruses instead of ghosts.
Changed by the messages from what he saw on his screen, the modern Scrooge would help the poor, and treat his employees better – maybe even give them a new electric vehicle. He’d also rethink his support for a certain leader in office.
A modern Gift of the Magi could see Jim and Della as gig workers, delivering packages for a large online store service. Each sells their most prized collections: him, his Star Wars action figures to buy that rare bronze Pikachu Pokémon card. Della sold her Pokémon collection though, to buy a rare Boba Fett mis-print action figure to complete Jim’s collection.
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is somewhat newer, but anything older than 20 years is up for a reboot according to Hollywood.
A modern Rudolph would not hide his nose in the first place, even with Santa and the other reindeer saying he couldn’t play any games. Modern Rudolph would probably start a Twitch stream online, posting comments in real time about Christmas present buying or video games or peppermint addictions.
Hermey the Elf would be working 20-hour weeks, driving a Mercedes convertible, and wintering somewhere warm with all the dental billings he collected from Santa and his elves.
The plot of a modern Rudolph story could involve the elves, whose union was on strike in the months leading up to Christmas. The holiday was saved after Santa offered a pay raise and better pension benefits.
Twas the Night Before Christmas may be a bit of an issue with security systems and doorbell cameras. Some classics should just be retired.
Every few years there are movies that play off the general theme of Miracle on 34th Street, where Santa has to prove that he is real and exists. It’s too soon to tread that out again. But a Charlie Brown Christmas is certainly up for a reboot. A modern Charlie tries to put on an online Christmas concert and runs into streaming difficulties. Linus and the gang are no help when it comes to figuring out what HDMI cord goes to what camera where. All is saved when Snoopy discovered the end of the cord was plugged solid with tinsel from the artificial Christmas tree.
Frosty the Snowman has already been recently re-told in the Netflix movie Hot Frosty (which was filmed in Brockville and Ottawa). That story can sit on the shelf for a while for others to be retold.
Just as music from 20-to-30 years ago is “new” again, even Christmas movies from that period should be considered for a reboot. Who doesn’t need another Ernest Saves Christmas, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, or Christmas with the Kranks?
Lastly, Bruce Willis has repeatedly said that Die Hard is not a Christmas movie. I disagree. Maybe it’s time to make a real Die Hard Christmas movie? No, Die Hard 2 does not count.
Yes, these are all spoofs of the classics, and it’s fun to imagine how they apply to now. Maybe it’s better to leave the classics alone, if for no other reason but to have a reference in time and to look back on.
This column was originally published in the December 25, 2024 print edition of the Morrisburg Leader. Merry Christmas everyone!